Happy Valentines Day Brenna

This is my surprise for Brenna.  There is a very different reason that I started this blogging thing.  Right out...I quit  Drinking. So why would that make me blog.  It has to do with Brenna.  You see I have always drank beer. Sometimes a lot sometimes not so much.  I have quit twice before but always drank NA beer instead.  That does not work.  This time it's all HEB Orange Burst.  I don't really miss drinking.  I didn't like being drunk and all that goes with it.  Mostly the bad behavior. But, damn I like beer.  But alcohol is alcohol and it's addicting. I am not one of those people who need 12 steps or god. I don't think about drinking every day or hour or any of that stuff.  Only when I was drinking did I think about it all the time. When I say I don't need God to help me not drink I mean in the way of those 12 step programs where I think God becomes another crutch. God didn't make me drink or make me stop. He just gave me the tools to get it right if I wanted to. But He did give me Brenna. So again why this blogging stuff.  Well you see I wasn't always there for Brenna when she needed me and sometimes when I was I wasn't always helpful and sometimes she just went to others.  That's not to say I wasn't EVER there for her, I was. Just not always. I regret that and I cannot ever get that back.  But I can go forward.  I enjoy talking to B.  And knowing she can say anything to me at all.  She couldn't always do that. I didn't stop drinking for B but I won't start again because of her.  You see I like talking to her every afternoon while she is driving home.  I love talking to her about art, and faeries, and ghosts, and new cars, and apartments in the city, and all the things that we can think of. So you see, now I can tell the world what a great daughter I have in spite of my short comings and I can have the relationship with her that I have always wanted.  So Happy Valentines Day Brenna Nicole Sanders-Ort, I love You....Mom